MMMM…. nothing more nostalgic than the smell of ROAST BEETS, just like mom made before a big family dinner where we all sat around the ‘tube watching reruns of “Married with Children” before dad started knocking ‘em back and slurring about how Clinton was driving this great country into the dust and then onto the seemingly inexhaustible topic of the worthlessness of children these days, and then mom got this look in her eye, at once exhausted yet razor-sharp, that I only now in retrospect recognize as an aching combination of long-stifled regret regarding her choice of a breadwinner and the instinctual fear and defensiveness that preoccupies any mother when she detects the faintest whiff of a threat, however vague or imaginary even, directed toward her kin. Ah yes, those truly were the days. And today only at the Wild Cow, you can re-experience all the deliciousness of those beet-filled days minus the veiled terror and creeping realization that you would one day yourself begin to morph into a hideous amalgam of all those things in your parents you couldn’t explicitly name but nevertheless found yourself preternatural gifted at loathing beyond belief- with our ROASTED BEET BURGER! It’s a black bean patty with roasted beats and carrots, served with fresh basil, v. sour cream, and caramelized onions, and it comes with your choice of a side! Chef Nick takes you even further into a nonexistent Ameri-utopic Rockwellian past with some delicious garlic mashed sweet potatos. One bite will make you think we actually won Vietnam, or that it served any purpose beyond shattering the collective cultural hubris of the Truman Doctrine! The soup today is mixed veggie and quinoa, and that has nothing to do with your childhood unless you were raised in a) an extremely culinarily progressive household, or b) Colombia. Now, our desserts are really going to disorient your trip down memory lane – they’re just as delicious as mommy dearest’s most lovingly home-baked goodies, minus any trace of butter, heavy cream, eggs, or milk. GO FIGURE. Or just enjoy- Chocolate and Vanilla Layer Cake, Vanilla Almond Cupcakes, Snickerdoodles, Pistachio Citrus Cookies, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwiches, Donuts, White Chocoalte-Mocha Cheezecake, and more. P.S. Don’t go to work tomorrow. That’s an order, comrade.
