If you’re a chickpea, or even a garbanzo bean, and you see Big Bad Chef Nick “Cage” Davis steppin’ up to the plate, you better roll for cover, ’cause he’s on a VEGAN COOKING WAR-PATH AND DUDE HAS NO TIME TO BE TRIFLING WITH PRISONERS. Seriously, you should SEE what he does to those things, good lord awmighty. Such unspeakable machinations that would blanche the already transluscent face of the Black Metal Chef himself. I mean, what molten fires of inner turmoil must be raging inside this man that he could create a special so uncompromisingly, deviously delicious – Chickpea Cutlets! YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, I KNOW. And as though that weren’t shocking enough, he takes it to new levels of horror by daring to SMOTHER THEM IN GRAVY! THEY’RE ALREADY CUTLETS, NICK, WHY??! And, to add insult to injury, dude is all like, bet you want some mashed potatoes with that, hunh? WELL YOU GOT EM. Bet you want some Braised Cabbage and Greens with that, huhn? YOU GOT THEM TOO. They will tell stories of this delicious tragedy of this day for generations. Just listen to the accounts of stunned eyewitnesses to this slaughterfest –

“Wow, they’re so tender.” -Melanie Cochran

“Hmm, very well seasonsed.” -Pat Rosario.

“THE… HORROR… THE… HORROR.” -Colonel Kurtz

The only potential saving grace of today is the fact that the sides today include 3 Bean Spinach Soup, Braised Cabbage with Mixed Greens, and Sweet Mustard Veggie Medley. Oh, and also our great selection of vegan cucpakes – chocolate pomegranate, pistachio chocolate, chocolate ganache, Elvis, mocha, and Chocolate-filled Vanilla Almond Cupcakes, Raw Chocolate Tangerine Cheezecake, and Mint-Chocolate ‘Grasshopper’ Cake.

Unspeakable. Absolutely unspeakable. That’s why I typed it.

Southwestern Black Bean and Corn Salad special today! With Carrots, Red and Green Bell Peppers, Cucumbers, and Quinoa, topped with avocado and organic tempeh, with a side of vegan homemade ranch dressing! Soup is 3-bean Spinach, Side is Baked Beans with Maple Tempeh, and the Veggie is Sweet Mustard Veggie Medley.

BEETLEJUICE HUMMUS!!! DON’T KNOCK IT TIL YOU’VE TRIED IT!!!!

Desserts today: Grasshopper Cake, Carrot Cake, Lavender Vanilla, Chocolate Pomegranate, Mocha banana, Vanilla Almond, Pistachio Rosewater, Chocolate Ganache, and Chocolate-filled Giant Almond Vanilla Cupcakes, Cream “Cheese” Swirl Brownies, Pistachio Citrus Cookies, Chocolate Chip Cookie Sammiches, Raw Chocolate Tangerine “Cheezecake,” and more!

Alex: Hello friends, and welcome back to this edition of Celebrity Jeopardy. Right now, Mr. Paul Reubens, aka Pee-Wee Herman, is leading the pack, so we’ll start this round with him.

Paul Reubens: Thanks Alex, I’ll take “Where it All Ve-gan” for $500.

Alex: Answer- This dish, a special at the Wild Cow, is a tantalizing soulful mix of black-eye’d peas, peppers, kale and onions in a tomato sauce, served over brown rice with maple tempeh.

*Buzzer*

Alex: Count Chocula, it’s yours.

Count Chocula: Vat iz, “ZE HOPPIN’ JOHN SPECIAL!”

Alex: Correct, pick again.

Count Chocula: I vill take “Veggying Out” for $300, please.

Alex: Answer- This gluten-free side was featured on the Wild Cow’s WordPress page on the same day in 2012 that Wikipedia decided to ruin college kid’s lives across the U.S. by “going black” in solidarity with those protesting proposed government legislation regarding the republishing of copywritten material.

*Buzzer*

Alex: FDR, go ahead.

FDR: What is “Seaweed Slaw”?

Alex: Correct! Your pick, Mr. President.

FDR: “Lost in the Dessert” for $600, please.

Alex: Answer- our Daily Double! (applause) Mr. President, your wager?

FDR: Let’s do all the tea in China, please.

Alex:For this answer, we go to famed Hollywood composer Ennio Morricone, for no good reason at all:

(Video of Ennio Morricne): These vegan desserts were featured at the Wild Cow on January 18th, 2012.

FDR: CHECK MY STYLE -GRASSHOPPER CAKE, CARROT CAKE, RAW CHOCOLATE TANGERINE CHEEZECAKE, LAVENDER VANILLA , CHOCOLATE POMEGRANATE, MOCHABANANANA, VANILLA ALMOND, AND GIANT VANILLA ALMOND CUPCAKES, CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE SAMMICHES, PISTACHIO CITRUS COOKIES, CREAM CHEEZE SWIRL BROWNIES, ORGANIC AGAVE-SWEETENED STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE TRIFLES, AND POMEGRANATE KANTEN!

Alex: How in the name of God did you know that?

FDR: I WON WORLD WAR TWO YOU BIG DUMMY.

Alex: We’ll be right back.

Specials:

Entree: General Tso’s tofu with broccoli & bell peppers, served over brown rice!
Soup: Collard greens & pinto beans (GF)
Veggie of the day: seaweed salad (GF)
Vegan treats: chocolate covered banana cake, carrot cake, mini strawberry or blueberry pies, agave sweetened organic chocolate berry trifles, chocolate orange cookie sandwiches & chocolate chip cookie sandwiches!

Burger & Beer Night starts at 5:00……get our homemade veggie burger, chips & a high alcohol beer for only $10!

Entree: Tofu scramble tacos with peppers, cauliflower, black beans, salsa & our homemade vegan sour cream; comes with a side! (GF) $8.50
Soup: mushroom & artichoke with spinach (GF)
Side of the day: hash browns

Vegan treats: donuts, chocolate covered banana cake, raw tangerine-strawberry-banana “cheesecake”, “cream cheese” brownies, chocolate peanut butter cake, pistachio citrus cookies, Elvis cupcakes, giant chocolate filled almond vanilla cupcakes, organic agave sweetened chocolate berry trifles & more coming soon!

Q: What’s hot, sloppy, filling, vegetarian, and vaguely ethnically-themed? If you said ANYTHING other than Chef John’s Sloppy Jose, then… draw your own conclusions, you terrible person. OR, forgive yourself by coming down here and warming up with this bad-boy – a whole-wheat hoagie filled with perfectly seasoned TVP stew, avocado-ranch, vegan queso, sliced jalapenos, and cilantro with your choice of a side! We’ve got tomato-basil soup today, and a DELICIOUS appetizer of veggie-lentil samosas wiith pineapple chutney! Hummus is roasted carrot and basil! Beer is great!

Desserts today include: Cherry Lattice Pie, Chocolate-Peanut Butter Cake, Raw Banana/Tangerine “Cheesecake,” Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwiches, and MORE!!!